You first task was Tone. We were asked to take a single passage you have written and change the tone of the passage without changing to much of the story itself. We were asked to look at, Joy, Conflict, Sadness. Below is what I wrote;
JOY
The dot on the horizon took shape as I got used to the bouncing going on around me. The further we had come the higher we seemed to go up. My hands gripped the sun warmed wire rail holding on to the boats steady rhythm. Sunlight filtered down bringing in the details of the dock to me. Giggles of children running the deck to see the best view of the oncoming land, there fingers pointing out the distant mountains with city lights at its base, each talking as loud as they could with what they intended to do once we got back home. The closer we got the more animated their voices became, until several adult began herding them downstairs to the waiting vehicles.
Unable to take my eyes away from the now near wharf I stayed fixed where I was. The ferries bouncing slowed to at fast hum as we pulled in and bumped against the wood. From my vantage point I could see them waiting for me and no sooner had I seen there hands pumping in waves did I return the gesture and race down to the gang plank. Feet pounding in time with the humming I raced across as fast as I could make it and into the waiting arms.
"Papa" they said as they hugged me close "We missed you."
"I missed you to biscuit" I said as I scooped my daughter up into my arms and hugged her close.
SADNESS
The dot on the horizon took shape, as the bouncing going on around me got worse. The further we had come the higher we seemed to go up. My hands gripped the wire rail desperately wishing for a steady rhythm. Sunlight filtered down through the oncoming clouds hiding the details of the dock to me. Noise from nearby children running on the deck fighting to see the best view of the oncoming land, their fingers pointing out the distant mountains with dull city lights at its base, each talking adding to the noise of the boat and the pounding in my chest. The closer we got the more animated their voices became, until finally several adult began herding them downstairs to the waiting vehicles.
Unable to take my eyes away from the now near wharf I stayed frozen where I was. The ferries bouncing slowed to at fast hum as we pulled in and collided against the wood. From my vantage point I could see them waiting for me and no sooner had I seen there, their upturned faces looking at me did I race down to the gang plank. Feet pounding in time with the humming I raced across as fast as I could make it and into the waiting arms.
"Papa" they said as she hugged me close, Her red eyes and tear streaked face buried itself in my shoulder "We missed you."
"I missed you to biscuit" I said as I scooped my daughter up into my arms and hugged her close. With her in my arms I let myself cry for my Newly deceased wife.
CONFLICT
The dot on the horizon took shape as the bouncing going on around me got worse. The waves never giving the boat a chance to find its steady rhythm. My hands gripped the wire rail as it splinter dug itself into my palm. Sunlight fought itself down through the oncoming clouds bringing in the details of the dock to me. Noise from nearby children running on the deck, fighting to see the best view of the oncoming land, Their bodies pushing each other aside while pointing out the distant mountains with city lights at its base, each talking as loud as they could Out doing each other about who would have the best time in the city. The closer we got the more louder their voices became, until finally several adult, told them to be quiet and get down stairs to the buses.
Unable to take my eyes away from the now near wharf I stayed rigid where I was. The ferries bouncing finally slowed to at fast hum as we pulled in and collided against the wood. From my vantage point I could see them waiting for me and no sooner had I seen there, their upturned faces looking at me did I bother to head downstairs to the gang plank awaiting for me. Feet tripping on themselves, I could made my way across To stand next to them.
"Papa" She said as she looked up at me, Her eyes quickly went downcast and back to the uneven wood "I'm sorry."
"We'll talk about it when we get home" I said as I as I made my way to the car, my teenage daughter trailing behind.
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