Cautiously Optimistic.

I have been living with a smile in my heart. Well I have been faking a smile in my heart, and it has been working. After the weekend which was the best I had felt in years. The night flew by and I have been trying to keep the feeling going for the rest of this week. 

But it’s hard to keep that feeling going. There is so much external influence that is trying to pull those feelings away. It breaks my heart. 

The emails continue, and I am getting used to them. Okay, its a twist of the knife every time he sends me one, but I am getting used to it. The more, whoever it is that is trying to hurt me, the more I believe he is with the one he should be with.

I met someone. We have been texting since Tuesday. It’s new but I am liking it. There was a plan to meet up on Wednesday. But Dad really hurt himself and Sister wasn’t available so once again it was my turn to look after him. So I missed out on dinner and dancing. I missed out on a great night. The difference was for the last two years, I have let that anger seethe in me. It would fester and boil, and then I would do something incredibly stupid.

So this week I used the techniques therapy had taught me and I channeled it into writing. I started a new blog. A serial I am working on and its brilliant. Not the writing. I still have a lot to improve on. But everything I think, know, feel, I channel into this and I come away ten times better. Before you ask, it wont link it. It’s mine and I want to keep it that way. 

Thursday came and with it was a trip into town. I was supposed to meet with my advisor for AUT but when I got in and checked my emails, the date had been changed to Friday. Rage and anger. So I got coffee and plotted. Plotted stories I mean. 

I was home by four that afternoon. I was going through my notes, checking out an old friend on Facebook when my computer glitched. I don’t know what else to call what happened except a glitch. It meant I had to restart my computer and when I I got it back up and running I found that apparently I had sent a friend request. And been accepted. Which started a wonderful night of catching up with and old friend. I hadn’t realised how much I missed him and valued his friendship. 

So today was similar to yesterday, except this time I caught the train into town. I was going to use a HOP Card to travel but found they don’t work on trains. Bastard at the newsagent lied to me. Another card and I travelled in comfort. I meet with the advisor. Apparently some of my classes clashed and I had failed a paper and one of the classes I wanted wasn’t available to me because of that. 

Still it all got settled and I get new classes due to start on the 4^th March. Eager and excited. I got coffee and was enjoying browsing the internet, except the internet at my favorite cafe kept crashing so I did retail therapy. I have been invited out to participate in a sporting event, I was advised to get shorts and singlets. I found some for a fiver each. Yet when I got home the singlets were too fashion and not actually useable so I am going to wear a white T-shirt. 

I am also panicking about Proud tomorrow. I haven’t been to something like this in years. What to wear? What to take? Oh god I have been thrown for a loop. And I am all excited. Nervous and stressed and worried but excited and happy.

I have to go to bed now. I need some sleep before tomorrow and need to get right. So I will get back in touch with you later and let you know how my weekend went. Hopefully I will have photos and stuff for you as well. Sorry this post is so plain. 

Till Monday.

Troy.