My Mind... Blown

I didn't sleep again last night. I don't have a cool reason why not, it just wasn't something I could do. It was strange, I just couldn't bring myself to lay down and close my eyes. Just what exactly is insomnia?
I went and saw Hope today. I know that seeing her helps me, but she always leaves me more messed up. Talking with her is a really bizarre experience. Simply because I learn something about myself each time. 
Today lesson was a bit of a  revelation to me. While most people probably have learnt this all long before now I could only see it today. Is that strange? Learning lessons, having epiphanies, achieving understanding, why does coming to a deeper realisation always such the hardest thing?
Why lesson did I learn you ask, it was a simple one. One action, one period in ones life, one simple feeling and it can define your entire life. Like a pebble in a pond the ripples spread out over every minute, every feeling on your life. 

For me, it was the clarity of that inciting incident, the feelings and fear that came from it. Over twenty years since that moment and it is still ruling my life today. 
So shocked by all this I came home and promptly fell asleep. Really, what is the definition of insomnia? Two days no sleep, a shock to the system and I gleefully fall into the embrace of slumber. I know I am crazy. Voices, blackouts, alternate personalities, fugue states, are all part of being me. But is sleep really the correct response to being in shock? 
There are times I wish I was dating a doctor so I could get free medical care, or at least get a free consult so i know where I need to be admitted to and for how long. 
Still now I know the problem, I have to ask, is it to late to fix?