As I human being I like to
think in a small why I make my mark on this world. I thought that by posting
yesterday I would at least get a comment or two. But there was nothing, no
impact at all did it create. I could walk out on my life tomorrow and no one
would be affected by it.
It’s a sobering realization,
knowing you don’t matter. Don’t get me wrong I am not looking for sympathy. The
pain of it was dull, something that I am used to (again not looking for
sympathy).
I spent all day checking on
Facebook seeing if someone had said something. Hoping that what I wrote would
somehow be validated. But do I really need others approval, shouldn’t my own be
enough.
I read somewhere that humans
are a social creature. That we need other, isolation in us leads to corruption
and a slow delve into insanity. Does that explain my last two years?
But rebuilding connections
takes time. You can’t just think that when you ask for friends they will come
back. So I am going to keep doing this, hoping that I can connect with someone.
I need to rebuild my life. Make amends for all my mistakes. So here I will
write. In a vain hope that one day, in some small way I can mark this world in
a way that I can be proud of.
I am tired of being alone, I
know now I cant do this on my on.
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